Comment Wall

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Comments

  1. Yo Wesley! I just read your first story revision over "Goblin CIty". I thought the story was very fun and easy to read, which I think is the best route one can take for these types of short tales. I think it is cool that you took inspiration from Goblin Slayer, I myself have watched that anime and even dabbled a bit into the manga after the season concluded. I am wondering if you also took inspiration from Naruto, being that the main characters name is Kurama (which is the nine tailed demon fox's real name). I also saw more potential Naruto inspiration with the quest ranking system, which is just like the ninja mission ranking system in the Naruto verse. Since I am a fan of the medium you were taking inspiration from, I probably got more out of this tale than many people will. I think that fact is ultimately fine though, being that appealing to niches will make the content you produce even better for that specific targeted audience. I really enjoyed this rendition of Goblin City you wrote, and I hope to see more from you in the future!

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  2. Hi Wesley! This was the first time I got to read your story about Goblin City. The first story in my portfolio is also based on the Goblin City story we read previously in the course and our versions were a lot different from each other! I stuck to the original storyline with only a few changes and added background but your story was so creative and refreshing to read! I really enjoyed the fact that the men ended up at the same island as the travelers that crashed at that island because they were completely prepared and ready to take on some goblins. It's super cool that you took two different storylines and meshed them together to make your own. Overall, your story was very well written and I'm not sure I would change anything. Great work, I can't wait to read more of your stories!

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  3. Hi Wesley! This is the second story related to the Goblin City and your version was very different from the other. I really liked that your own twist was from the perspective of adventurers going against goblins rather than the goblins themselves. I think the original story had very little in terms of the sailors' perspectives. The only problem I had with the story was that the dictator part seemed a bit random. I think the story would have felt more cohesive if the city was taken over by goblins instead. That way, Shinra can prove his point to Kurama on how goblins are truly evil and Kurama can have an epic adventure of reconquering the city. Great work though and good luck!

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  4. I was reading your story about Goblin City and it immediately reminded me of Goblin Slayer. I really enjoyed the plotline you created. I enjoyed how you kept the ending the same as I really enjoyed the original ending. Your creative style, originality and detail-oriented writing style really showed. You can maybe find other relatable stories in the Mahabharata stories, that can tie along with this story. This will help you build on the plot and give you the opportunity to introduce new characters. The connection you build between characters is an important role in any story. I would also use more form of dialogue. Overall this was a great story and excited to read. Honestly, I feel like this is a great start to a book or maybe even a whole new movie. I admire your originality and your imagination in this story. I will look forward to more stories from you.

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  5. Hi Wes! I really enjoyed your modern take on the trust issues that Rama and Sita endured throughout the Ramayana. There are only a few things that I would suggest. First, I think that you should clarify what DM's are in your story in case any person in the older crowd is reading. Also, I don't think you need a comma after 'Tyrone' in your sentence "One day on a normal hangout with his friends, Tyrone, and his buddies talk about there relationships," and 'there' before 'there relationships' should be switched to 'their.' Other than those minor things I really enjoyed your story. You built up suspense very well toward the end of your story as it leaves the reader with their own imagination, wondering what they would do to protect someone who is as important to them as Sasha is to Stephanie. Your portfolio is coming along very nicely and I am excited to read more to come!

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  6. Hey Wesley,

    I just looked at your portfolio and I would just like to say that I was blown away. I like the fact that you have your own logo. It really shows the amount of effort that you put into your project. I read your story "The Streets" and I found it really funny. I like the fact that you decided to transform Rama and Sita's relationship into something modern. It really allows the reader to have more perspective on just how messed up the relationship is. I liked the inclusion of the DMs because it something that most every do every day. A lot of meaning can be derived from a text message. Your author's notes were detailed and allowed me to understand the overall feeling you were going for. I had a great time reading your story this week. I look forward to reading more of your project pieces in the future. Keep up the good work!

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  7. Hey Wes,

    I like the way your portfolio is set up. I enjoyed how you added like your own logo and slang on your portfolio. The 'WW' is very interesting and it shows me how much time and effort you put into your blog and project. Both of your stories are very well written and I enjoyed reading them both. My favorite story of yours was "The Streets" and I found it really awesome and very joyful to read. The fact he wanted to see if she was loyal so he had his friend DM her to see if she was loyal is so funny!! That stood out the most to me but your story was super awesome. The only suggestion I have for you is that maybe you should add more dialogue between the characters. Overall, I enjoyed your portfolio and your stories a lot. Keep it up and grind through the rest of this semester!

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  8. Hi Wes!
    I love the set up of your portfolio. It is very modern and trendy, and it matches the vibe of your stories. I also chose to write my first story with a modern twist by imagining what the characters, plot, and scenes would look like if they were played out in the current day where we live. I think that approach is really fun and makes the stories seem a little more personal (and strangely more distant at the same time). There are a few times when reading that I noticed an area where grammatical revision is advisable... just little things, like " So he ran with then story of her trying to kill him" instead of "so he ran with THE story of her trying to kill him"... just little things that a read-over can fix! Your story is great and very creative. Keep up the good work!
    Sincerely,
    Rachel

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  9. Hey Wes,
    I enjoyed your portfolio because it reminded me a lot of what mine looks like. It was easy to navigate and straight to the point. I remember reading your story about "The Streets" earlier on in this semester and you have made some good progress on this story from what I can tell. You definitely have a modern and unique twist to your stories that no one else has. The Streets is one of my favorite stories from this semester and your story about the Goblin Story is really good as well. The title of your portfolio is also really creative, I could see that as real blog name that could take off in a different situation. If you ever start a blog you should probably stick with that name because it is really catchy. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories and seeing the progress that you make this semester.
    Thanks,
    Philip Crowley

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  10. Hey wes! First, I like your project name! catchy and creative! Your layout fit well with each of your stories and was easy to navigate. I really have no suggestions to your story! I personally enjoyed your story, " The Streets". I really enjoyed this one and found it so entertaining! Tyrone is certainly quite a character and not the best boyfriend in all honesty! I personally hope the sister kicks his butt and he gets what is coming for him haha. Regardless, I am sure whatever you will write will be great! I like that you modernize the story and even some of the dialogue. I also enjoyed that you left the reader on a cliffhanger to encourage them to come back to get the tea on all the drama going on. Keep up the great work and I will be sure to come back to see what happens!

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  11. Hi Wes,
    I really liked how you were able to notice the parallels between the Goblin City story and the TV show you watched, and use these similarities to create your own version of the story. Also, your second story, "The Streets," was a lot of fun to read. It was like watching a soap opera! So much drama. I'm excited to find out what Stephanie does in the next installment.
    I'm curious about Tyrone's motivations for kicking Sasha out. Was he just peer pressured by his friends, or did he still not really believe Sasha even after the test?
    One of my favorite things about this story, outside of the sheer drama, is the use of modern slang like "cut her from the roster," "slide into her DMs", and "belong(s) to the streets". I think these phrases really lend the writing character! I look forward to reading Part 2

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  12. Hello Wes, your portfolio is a great example of what a portfolio should look like. You made your page so appealing and interesting. I read your first story and commented on it a while back. Coming back to read your second story was a must. Your writing skills are so modern and fun, it makes reading and writing not boring. Your modernistic approach to your revisions is hilarious and entertaining. These stories are great fun to read and see how the plot changes up. Although you take a humorous approach to your stories, there is still a strong resemblance in theme and morals. You did a great job showing the character traits as well as emotion. You could build on this story with dialogue and chatter between characters. This should be fairly simple due to the tension that was built between the characters already. Overall great job, also I cannot wait to see the sister enter the plot and mess some stuff up.

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  13. Wes, your story on the goblins and the masked rider were wonderful! I was immediately reminded of the infamous Goblin island story where they the the sailors who lusted for their anterior images. I am curious to see Shinra and Kurama's interaction with the dictator and what will happen their next. Lastly, what would have happened if the masked rider had not agreed to help Shinra? Was Shinra a mighty warrior that could defeat the onslaught of Goblins by himself? Your story called The Streets was also hilarious as it provided a relevant commentary on relationships in today's world. Going forward I hope we hear more about Tyrone and Sasha and how Stephanie gets revenge for her sister. As Future said in many of his songs, "she belongs to the streets." You built a world around this message in your story and I was left amazed at the bravery of Tyrone to drop Sasha. Keep up the good work Wes!

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  14. Hi Wes!
    Before I talk about your story, I’d just like to say that I love the aesthetic of your portfolio! It’s also really easy to navigate, which I like! I just finished reading your first story and it was really good! I like the idea of making it this mystical world with realistic ties. It’s more relatable that way! I noticed that you added a lot of details into the personalities of your characters, specifically Shinra. As I was reading your story, I couldn’t help but wonder how Shinra got into the field he’s into now, or what made him be this mysterious person. I guess that last part really adds to the whole mystery aspect. I think that there could be more development between Kurama and Shinra because this guy has become somewhat important to the story given he is now Kurama’s mentor. I am conflicted though because I know these are supposed to be shorter stories. Nevertheless, I truly loved reading your story! It was really great.

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  15. Wes,
    I really like how you wrote this story to fit modern language. It was really interesting to read a story written around a mindset that so many people have today. I like how you painted Tyrone and Sasha as this sort of “perfect couple”, but they weren’t really. Like any couple, they had their trials, so I like that you included that as well. I was incredibly invested in this couple and was hoping that despite the influences of his friends, Tyrone would remain with Sasha given how loyal she had actually been to him. I was incredibly disappointed to see that he gave in to peer pressure to drop her. Of course, if he wasn’t actually in love with her it may have been the right thing to do. However, I found it truly disappointing when he tried to shift the blame to her despite the fact that he wanted out. I really like this idea, though! I like that you added these problems because if your next story is in Stephanie’s perspective, or just a continuation, it’ll make the story so much more detailed and developed! I am super excited to read the next entry! Thanks so much for sharing!

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  16. Hi Wes,
    I am here today to leave some influence on your use of photos in this class. I have already read your stories and think you have some of the funniest language I have read in this class so I always like to come back to your portfolio. The cover page has a purple kinda cover photo, idk it's ok I think you could put something that is more personal or maybe fits your sense of humor that is ever present in your stories. The boat photo on the second page is good and provides a good sense of imagery that you need when you are reading a story like this. The third story image I know is directly from the story, but when it is combined with your "the Streets" story I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I could not imagine those characters acting like they do in the streets which just makes it so hilarious. Keep up the good work Wes.

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  17. Hi Wes! I read both of the stories in your portfolio earlier in the semester and I can definitely confirm that you have only improved your writing. I really enjoyed reading your stories due to the tone and language used in your stories. You not only made your stories more modern and simple to read but you added some great humor that keeps me tied in and interested throughout the entire time that I am reading your story. It also makes me feel like I have dived into your stories and am actively participating in a comedy film. The only thing I would change about your portfolio is the layout. For your first story, the banner title is "Week 2 Story Continued" then you have the title "Goblin City: Kurama the Adventurer" down below but in your second story you have the banner title as "The Streets" and then the same title down below as well. I would just choose one layout and stick to it so that the layout of your portfolio is more consistent. Other than that, I really would not change one thing about your actual writing or stories. Great job!!

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  18. Hey Wes! My first comment deleted for some reason, so I will try my best to restate what I had written! Anyways, your project just looks awesome! I love how it is laid out and very easy to use and navigate. i love that you have dedicated buttons to direct your readers where they want to go. i can tell that you have put a ton of effort into making a successful project, and that you have spent a lot of time perfecting it. Overall, GREAT work. I am very inspired to go rework my storybook after clicking through yours, it just feels like there is so much more that I can do that I did not even know about. Overall, AMAZING job! Good luck with the rest of your semester!

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  19. Hi Wes! Your entire web page looks really nice! I love the initial background it gives me a Matrix feel to it. I also love the name of your blog and how you incorporated a special logo, really nice touches! Anyways, my comment is supposed to be about the author's notes.The author's notes that you have written are really nice in my opinion as they shed light on your story and why you wrote it, as well as what you took inspiration from. It also provides a summary of the work you are writing about, which is really helpful to the reader to take in different bits of information. I also like the way you split it into two different paragraphs, that makes it easier to read and clearly distinguishes what you are trying to achieve in the author's note. Really nice work, keep it up!!

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  20. Hi Wes, as we end week 12 I took a look at your author's notes and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed reading them! Both of your stories are already so fascinating but my favorite part was realizing that Valmiki’s hermitage was the inspiration behind your story and it really caught my eye. It seems like you put a lot of thought into making both of your stories super unique and the author's notes greatly display your creativity. I like how you modernized the original story by allowing Sita to have a savior to punish Tyrone (Rama) for his actions because I agree that Sita was mistreated and never got the chance to stick up for herself in the original story. I wonder what would have happened if Sita stuck up for herself instead of having her sister stand up for her? I think that would add more spice to Sasha's character and to the woman power that she so strongly displays throughout. You've done a really great job!

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  21. Hi Wes,
    I am giving you feedback on your authors notes for your two stories. I really enjoyed how you decided to tell your two stories on your portfolio. I think your author's notes are wonderful. I think you talk in great detail about the original story as well as the new story you chose to write. I like how you get the inspiration to write your stories, it really stood our to me. Your stories are very well written and the author's notes go hand in hand with everything. The thing I find most useful when writing my stories and author's note, is dummying it down a little so the reader can understand better. I don't think this strategy is made for everyone nor do people mean to do it, but I do and I think it is a great aspect to how things are portrayed. I think you did an amazing job and there's not anything I would change throughout the rest of the semester. Keep it up and I can't wait to read more of your stories and notes.

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  22. Hello again Wes, I remember commenting on your post a while back and it is great to see where you have gotten with your portfolio. You have a very descriptive writing style that shows in your stories. I really like how organized your work is and it flows smoothly. I would maybe start thinking about different writing styles to incorporate in your portfolio. I feel like this would attract a bigger audience thus allowing you to get more critique on your writing to perfect your craft. Overall you had a great start and from the looks of it, you are aiming to finish strong as well. Keep up the great work, I will be returning at the end of the class to see your final take on your stories. Maybe you could take a look at my writing and leave some suggestions for me to improve on.

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  23. Hi Wesley! I really enjoyed reading your story, and this is my first time visiting your wall. I decided to click on it based on the title of your blog, which I really liked. I wasn't sure if there was any other meaning to it, but it had a nice ring! I also really like the layout of your project, and it is super easy to navigate and use. I really like all the descriptions that you use in your stories, and I think that you do a great job of setting up the scene and showing a very vivid image. I think maybe you could add some more dialogue, since there isn't a lot in it so far, if you are to go back and edit it. I also think your author's notes were very helpful, and went along very well with your stories. It's always important to make sure that you can give more notes on what readers may want or need to know in addition to your writing. I enjoyed reading your story, and I am glad I stopped by! Good luck in the rest of the semester!

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  24. Hi Wes!

    Your Portfolio looks pretty nice! I would recommend adding more photos onto each page just to spice it up, but everything is easily accessible right now which is good. All three of your stories are well written and I liked reading them, especially the second one.

    For this week, I paid close attention to the way you chose to break up your paragraphs. In most of the stories, you did a good job, but in the first one I would recommend splitting up those larger paragraphs into smaller ones because it seemed like it made the reading less interesting having it all crammed into one large paragraph. If you were to split them up, the eye could flow better down the page. I would also recommend giving each story a title rather than just one, two, or three. With a title, the reader is encouraged to ponder the stories themselves before reading which makes what happens even more shocking or intriguing. It gives us a way to compare and contrast first impressions and to be more surprised by what we find.

    This Portfolio looks great otherwise! Good job!

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  25. Hello Wes,

    I personally really enjoyed reading your stories and going through your storybook as I could not help but notice how talented you are in really bringing the stories alive! The characters were so well portrayed and your descriptions are creative and awesome. One improvement I would suggest is that you could be more creative coming up the introduction to the plot. It was easy to follow because I knew the original story and knew the plotline. You could experiment with different dialogue between characters, maybe changing the setting halfway through. Overall, your storybook was amazing to follow and thanks for sharing for us to read!

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